Drive Angry

Drive Angry is an absolutely amazing homage to the 70s revenge flick.  Too bad the movie going populace didn’t understand that simple fact.  Of course it is cheesy!  It’s supposed to be.  If you don’t like the first five minutes of the film – you’re not gonna like the rest.  It starts out with three rednecks in a truck being chased by Nick Cage’s character through the streets.  He catches up to them, causes their truck to flip over and proceeds to dispatch them in a bloody and mean way.  It’s over the top, bloody, violent, and honestly, a little funny.  I love it.  It’s completely stupid and awesome.  Throw in Satanic cults, breaking out of Hell, hot chicks, lots of gun play, fast cars, wrecks, it’s got a little of everything awesome and it is completely a 70s revenge flick.  It just happened to be filmed within the past few years.  If it had a bit more of a nihilistic streak and all the characters dying in the end, I’d rank it up there with Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (just kidding, or maybe not 🙂 ).

Those random fortune cookie fortunes…

I love Szechuan-style Chinese food and there is this great place not too far from my home that has some of the best I’ve had in the Austin area.  However, that is beside the point, the point of this post is to talk about those not-so-Chinese fortune cookies with the supposed fortunes in them.  I’ve taken to keeping the ones that just seem really funny for some reason or another.  Or for some reason I make a connection with the saying because of something happening in my life.  It’s funny how we create connections between two or more completely unrelated events.

Some of the favorite “fortunes” I’ve gotten:

  • Be prepared to accept a wondrous opportunity in the days ahead! — this happened a few days before I accepted a position at the company I am now employed by.
  • Give a hug to someone who needs one more than you. — I just like the philosophy of this one.  The whole Golden Rule bit.
  • Good things are being said about you — A follow on to the previous one, I’m sure.
  • Your blessing is no more than being safe and sound for the whole lifetime. — Very Zen
  • Don’t be discourage, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward — a good life lesson
  • An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly! — not really a fortune or a saying or anything, just random.

Yeah, this post was pointless and rather meandering, but it is the journey; not the destination that matters. 🙂

Paraprosdokians

A little humor to start off your Saturday (since Saturday starts about 10:30am or so) using paraprosdokians.

  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list.
  • If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  • We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  • War does not determine who is right — only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Evening news is where they begin with ”Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
  • I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “In an emergency, notify:” I write: “A DOCTOR.”
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • The voices in my head may not be real, but they sometimes have some good ideas!
  • I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  • There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  • I used to be indecisive; now I’m not sure.
  • I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon… and a shot of tequila.
  • You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

The Slammin’ Salmon

The Slammin’ Salmon is the newest movie from the creators of Super Troopers, Club Dread, and Beerfest.   The Slammin’ Salmon is a restaurant run by retired boxing heavyweight champion Cleon Salmon who needs a lot of money to repay a debt he has to a Yakuza boss.  That day.  His idea is to take the money made that day from the restaurant to pay back the debt and stages a contest with his waitstaff in order to get the money.  I laughed a lot at this film, it has some great lines and some very funny moments.  Some of the best lines go to Michael Clarke Duncan playing Cleon Salmon; however, everyone gets great lines.  If you’ve seen any of the other Broken Lizard films you’ll see a lot of familiar faces throughout the movie.  For you familiar with the other movies, the best way to rate it is that it isn’t as good as Super Troopers and not as bad as the misuderstood Club Dread; it is on par with Beerfest.

The Exterminating Angel

Yes, I watched another Luis Bunuel film, this time, The Exterminating Angel, or if you’re movie snob: El angel exterminador.  The premise for the movie is simple, a group of upper class citizens attend a dinner party and find themselves unable to leave the party or the room their in due to the pretenses and rules of polite high society.  As the facade wears on they descend into savagery, resort to experiment with witchcraft, stuff a dead party guests in closet, cook slaughtered sheep over a fire of burning furniture all in order to leave the party.  Much like L’age D’or, The Exterminating Angel is a satire and dark comedy with wonderful non-sequiturs and situations fitting of Monty Python.

Of course, with an absurd setup and Bunuel as a director you know there has to be more absurdity and surrealism; and there is.  During the film there is a string of people repeating a lines, movements or scenes a second time during the film.  One of my favorites is when the host of the dinner party proposes a toast, the toast is done and everyone goes back to talking.  As soon as he sits down, he stands up again and proposes the same toast and no one pays attention to him.  He then looks bewildered over the dinner guests and sits down awkwardly.  Of course, you know the guests finally get out of the room only to attend church together the following Sunday setting up Bunuel’s biggest dish of the film.

L’age d’or

The film Un Chien Andalou piqued my interest in Luis Bunuel so I sough out some more of his films.  His next film was one called L’age d’or and, was consequently, the film I watched.  The plot summary from IMDb tells you:

Bunuel’s first feature has more of a plot than Un Chien Andalou, but it’s still a pure Surrealist film, so this is only a vague outline. A man and a woman are passionately in love with one another, but their attempts to consummate that passion are constantly thwarted, by their families, the Church and bourgeois society.

but, it is so much more than that.  This film is Monty Python before Monty Python; it pokes fun at society using absurdist imagery and situations…. much like Monty Python would do 40 years later.  It is an attack on the Catholic church and bourgeois society all done in the surrealist way.  You have scenes of drunk people in an ox drawn cart walking through a bourgeois party and no one caring, a scene of a little boy stealing an item from his father then being shot twice by the father in front of the bourgeois at the party and no one caring, a cow sleeping on a king size bed in a bedroom, and a scene of statue foot fetish.  In the 1930s I’m sure this offended many people (the film was withdrawn from circulation for over 50 years) and during a screening of the film, people began throwing purple ink and acid at the screen and then ran next door to the art gallery and began destroying works of art by Yves Tanguy, Salvador Dalí, Joan Miró, and Man Ray.  In truth, I bet the surrealist painters loved this.  What is more surreal than having people get pissed off at a film then rioting in an art gallery destroying surrealist artwork?